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The Happy Mrs. Jones

Experiments In Creating Happiness While Battling Depression

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Archives for March 2019

It’s No Problem {Creative Non-Fiction}

March 12, 2019 by thehappymrsjones 1 Comment

I don’t like licorice.

But, then again, these aren’t licorice.

They have that same smooth black look, but they aren’t the same.

No, black Wine Gums aren’t even actually black. If you look closely, you’ll see they’re a deep purple.

I’d roll the black Wine Gum in my hand and trace the crown on its front. Eventually, I’d scoop it up and hand it to my dad who was driving.

They are his favourite.

“Thanks Tash,” he’d mumble as he popped it into his mouth. His brow furrowing at something on the road up ahead.

“No problem,” I’d reply.

It used to irritate me when someone said something was, “No problem.”

Why didn’t they say, “It was my pleasure” or “you’re welcome?”

Too formal I suppose but, when my dad started saying it, it grew on me.

Whenever he said it to me it felt warm and deep. It tugged on my memories and pulled me towards him in some inexplicable way.

Snow blew up and gently hit the windshield as the steady rhythm of the tires took us closer to our destination.

Music played faintly. My dad went through a real Enrique Iglesias phase and I could hear him serenading some potential lover in the background.

The wind howled as dawn kissed the edge of the horizon and I could see the first of many turns to the airport up ahead.

I glanced at my dad.

His eyes were moistening as they always did when it was time to say goodbye.

“Don’t be sad,” I’d say every time.

He’d always reply, “I just miss you that’s all. I want to spend more time with you.”

We’d drive in silence for a few seconds and I would think back to when I was a little girl.

Little flashbacks came to me. I remembered trying to learn the days of the week, picking mini tomatoes outside of his clinic in South Africa, hearing his laugh, watching his reflection in a mirror as he rode a stationary bike.

Random memories crowded my brain reaching for my attention. A lifetime of love swimming to the surface.

“You must just be safe,” he’d say as the airport came into sight ahead. There it was. The quintessential parenting line if there ever was one.

“Oh yeah,” I’d laugh. “You know me…all about the risk management these days. I’m like an old lady. I’m always careful.”

I knew his fear came from a place deeper than where normal parental concern usually lies. It wasn’t a floating idea that lingered on the edges of his brain.

I knew that.

It was a gnawing paranoia born from losing both his parents in childhood and in having his brother murdered a few years ago. It was a well of fear demanding to be filled with needless worry.

More silence.

I passed him another black Wine Gum. He nodded his appreciation and I popped a red one in my mouth. The car was so quiet our normal chewing made us sound like wild animals.

He was right to be worried, I thought to myself.

I was the opposite of most children. My teenage years were pretty tame. It was my late twenties that caused the trouble.

After all, I left a perfectly good job in radio broadcasting to run away to Honduras to become a scuba diving instructor.

Now I was working at a professional fight camp in Thailand and I’d only stopped home for a quick Christmas break in Canada. I was regularly drinking with ladyboys, dodging traffic on a scooter, flirting voraciously and hanging around professional fighters and their temper tantrums.

But I was careful in my own way.

My father had worked hard to bring me from South Africa to Canada. He’d sacrificed to put us kids through school and to give us every opportunity we could want or need. I knew the stress of work was putting a strain on his heart. I knew the long hours were draining precious years from his life.

Yes, I was wild…but I would never be so wild as to endanger myself enough to break his heart. Parents are precious things – annoying and sometimes crazy, yes – but precious none-the-less.

By caring for ourselves, we care for them.

We pulled up to the terminal.

My dad never came inside. I think the tears kept him firmly in the “do not park here or stop for any damn reason other than dropping off a passenger” zone.

The car idled and we took a few seconds. He was steadying his breath and I was making mentally sure that I had packed my passport.

I reached into the Wine Gum packet and pulled out the last black one. I handed it to him and he closed it in his hand.

Seeing this routine, a boyfriend had once asked me why I didn’t like the black Wine Gums.

I told him I did.

In fact, they are my favourite, but they are my dad’s favourite too.

And I think that’s what love is. It’s giving the best of ourselves. It’s sacrificing so that someone else can be happy even if it means you might not be quite as happy in the process.

My dad taught me that – not through a lesson, but through his actions.

We opened our doors simultaneously and pulled my luggage from the back. With bags around me we hugged. Both of our eyes were moist.

He held out his hand, flipped it around and opened his fist. The black wine gum stared up at me and he thrust it towards me.

“Thanks,” I said and popped it into my mouth.

“No problem,” he replied as he turned to go back to the car.

 

Filed Under: Creative Non-fiction

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  • It’s No Problem {Creative Non-Fiction}
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thehappymrsjones

🇨🇦 mental health + dogs + coffee ☕️
✍🏼 print & broadcast journalist
💍to @theinspiredmrjones
📌Loving & living in Flagstaff County

Happy, happy, happy birthday to the absolute love Happy, happy, happy birthday to the absolute love of my life! You are all the beautiful things life has to offer wrapped up in just one person. I love you with my whole heart and there isn't a day I don't feel grateful and lucky to be your wife. You are more than I ever even hoped to find. 

Your compassion, honesty, work ethic, integrity, talent, humour, and sense of adventure are incredible. More than anything, your drive to protect those that need protecting makes me so proud. You truly are a gift to the world.

Your 35th year is going to be a big one. You're only just getting warmed up and I can't wait to see where you go. 

One thing is for sure, I'll be right by your side cheering the loudest and helping the most to make sure all of your dreams come true.

Happy birthday, my love. Here's to many, many more years!!!
I know a couple of people who are having trouble v I know a couple of people who are having trouble verbalizing their emotions and who are struggling right now. That's ok. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Getting healthy and looking after yourself is the most important thing. 

I struggled for so long. I had a great support system but it was still hard as hell battling depression. I know that this pandemic has brought a lot of people back to a sad and dark place (myself included - every day is different). Don't hide there. Push those feelings into the light and ask for help. Give yourself a chance to have a happy life 💕 This won't last forever even if it feels like it might.

I once read that you don't have to feel hopeful about the future. Some days it's enough to just be curious. Please, if you're having thoughts of self-harm reach out to someone - anyone. You are valuable. There is hope for us all.
One year ago we released our first documentary. Th One year ago we released our first documentary. This trip was one of the toughest experiences of my life but it was also one of the best. I was lucky enough to fall in-love with my best friend along the way. 

So proud of you @theinspiredmrjones today and every day. You have improved and developed such an incredible amount since we started this journey five years ago. This work is amazing but your work NOW is even better. 

You continue to surprise me and I am SO excited for what's ahead. You are talented beyond what you realize and I am so grateful to have a creative partner that inspires, pushes and supports me like you do. The best is yet to come. That I know for sure.

Posted @withregram • @theinspiredmrjones It’s the one year anniversary of our documentary!!! Such a challenging project in so many ways but I couldn’t be prouder of what we made. 

#Repost @inspiredrisk with @get_repost
・・・
We can’t believe it’s already been one year since the release of our first feature-length documentary, The Unjust & Us. 

The response has been incredible and we’re still so proud of this project. If you haven’t seen it, make sure to check the link in our profile. 

#documentary #africa #elephant #poaching #antipoaching #adventure #contesa #cycling #biking #travel #southafrica #botswana #zambia #malawi #tanzania #kenya #cyclingadventure #film #movie #oneyearanniversary #theunjustandus #proud
This is exactly over us right now. I feel like 202 This is exactly over us right now. I feel like 2020 is just plain f*cking with us now 😳
Today we said goodbye to our Goofy. He was the kin Today we said goodbye to our Goofy. He was the kindest animal we have ever met and he brought so much happiness into our lives. 

As most of you know, we rescued him in Singapore almost three years ago and later brought him home to Canada. When we adopted him we knew he would come with a lot of old man problems. We knew we wouldn't have forever because of his bad heart (and numerous other ailments) but our goal was to save his life and make his last few years great ones. He gave us even more than we could give to him.

He had a lot of issues - bad heart, terrible ear infections, a torn paw, a testicular tumor and terrible teeth but he NEVER complained or snapped when he was hurting. He was always kind and gentle, somehow knowing we just wanted to help. Even at the end, he was the "bestest" boy on the planet. The downhill happened very quickly. He suddenly stopped eating and couldn't walk properly anymore. He was so lethargic and weak at the end that we couldn't see him suffer any longer. 

Today we went to the vet to put him to rest. I made the appointment yesterday and found out our amazing family vet @iberedvm was fully booked. We would have to say goodbye with another vet but we understood.

When we arrived we saw Ileana walk out of the clinic to greet us. She had moved her schedule around when she saw Goofy was in the appointment book so she could be with all of us. I burst into tears. It was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me and it made everything so much easier. It feels so good when someone loves your pet like you do. It feels so comforting when they matter to someone else too.

We all sat around him on a grassy patch and said our goodbyes. Beesley was there too. He went so peacefully that there was no question it was his time. Afterward we just sat with him and cried.

Goodbye our sweet boy. Find Ellie, Austin & Asha at the rainbow bridge and wait for us. Thank you for your unconditional love. I am so glad you can finally be free ❤️
👉🏼 note to self 👈🏼 👉🏼 note to self 👈🏼
Some flowers from our garden (these ones were abou Some flowers from our garden (these ones were about to be killed by the lawnmower so I saved them).
Elijah McClain was a 23 year old who played violin Elijah McClain was a 23 year old who played violin for cats at the animal shelter on his lunch break. He was a good and kind person who was murdered by police who injected him with ketamine. No one deserves this - "good" or not. Read his words that were recorded. Hear them. Tell me you wouldn't burn down all the cities in the world if this was your child. LIE TO ME and say you'd protest with nothing but love.
About sums it up About sums it up
So much emotion 💕 So much emotion 💕
You're either on the right side of history or you' You're either on the right side of history or you're not. It's that simple. As a journalist and as someone who spent part of her youth growing up in Apartheid South Africa, I don't want to hear white rationalizations about what's been happening. If you're not angry, you're not paying attention. Thanks to @crystalbrownd for posting this.
IF YOU ARE NOT ANGRY, YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION IF YOU ARE NOT ANGRY, YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

Posted @withregram • @enews We 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 to be better than this moment. ❤️ (🎥: @etherundown)
💕 💕
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